I just had my 3rd treatment yesterday...........so that means, only 3 more left!! I'm half way there!!
Last night I was feeling pretty upset...my stomach was burning and I couldn't really eat anything....so I popped in an extra anti-nausea pill and that definitely helped! Now today, not so nauseous anymore, but pretty sleepy....not myself at all.
I'll go get my very expensive injection later this evening (to help keep my white blood cell count up), and then I'll jump straight back into bed :) Usually I just live in my pj's these first few days after my treatment.....its pretty sweet!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
I just wanted to wish everyone a very merry christmas (sorry a little belated) and all the best to you and yours for the new year!! Click on the link below for a little christmas dance from me:
Kristal's christmas dance (I believe its only available until Jan 15, so enjoy while you can!!)
I would also like to take the time to say thank you for a couple things:
- thank you to everyone who has been following my journey and have had me in their thoughts and prayers! The overwhelming support I have gotten really means alot to me, and I'm so thankful for such great friends and family!
- I'm thankful that my family is all able to spend christmas together. Even though I couldn't make it down to nice warm Trinidad as I would normally do, what makes christmas is really who you are with. My youngest brother lives up here and mummy is here taking care of me....then daddy and my other brother flew in on christmas eve. That night we had a nice dinner together, along with my boyfriend and one of my very close friends. Then christmas day we spent at mum's friend's house (a Trini household)....and in the night I went to my bf's family. So I had a really great day up here, with good company, and yummy yummy food!!
- I am thankful that it worked out that I was feeling well on christmas day, since my next chemo treatment is after xmas, on Wed. I have some friends who had their treatments the Wed before xmas, and I know they weren't feeling their best....I hope they're doing better now!
- I am thankful for being in Canada where there is so much support available, and free health care!! Woohoo!!
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I do have one more christmas wish.......a cancer free world would be nice!! Maybe that's asking for too much, but I'm hoping some little steps might help make a difference (even if its just a small difference). Since new years resolution time is approaching, maybe you can think of something you can do or change that could help reduce your chance of the 'C' word affecting your life, because if I had one wish, it would be that noone else is diagnosed with this 'disease'. Even if its something that might seem insignificant.....sometimes a little goes a long way. Here are some ideas:
- throw away all your plastic containers and replace with glass ones
- buy yourself some organic/natural products (soap, shampoo, makeup or creams for eg.)
- get a stainless steel water bottle instead of using plastic water bottles
- try to eat minimum 5-7 servings of fruit and veggies everyday....the more the better
- cut back on your sugar intake
- lower your alcohol consumption (1-2 drinks maximum in a day is a suggestion).
- exercise regularly
- learn to handle or reduce your stress (Stress can encourage growth of breast cancer)
They say there are so many things that could cause cancer, so I don't know if there is any sure way to ensure you never get it. But there is no harm in trying. Some of the things I have listed are very easy to do and many of you have probably already done alot of them....so koodos to you!!
Personally, I've been trying to do everything on that list above because I do not want to go through this again!!! It's hard to maintain for sure...a work in progress for me...but a little at a time I guess is better than nothing at all.
Feel free to update me on your steps to a more cancer free life.....I would love to hear what you're doing for you :)
Kristal's christmas dance (I believe its only available until Jan 15, so enjoy while you can!!)
I would also like to take the time to say thank you for a couple things:
- thank you to everyone who has been following my journey and have had me in their thoughts and prayers! The overwhelming support I have gotten really means alot to me, and I'm so thankful for such great friends and family!
- I'm thankful that my family is all able to spend christmas together. Even though I couldn't make it down to nice warm Trinidad as I would normally do, what makes christmas is really who you are with. My youngest brother lives up here and mummy is here taking care of me....then daddy and my other brother flew in on christmas eve. That night we had a nice dinner together, along with my boyfriend and one of my very close friends. Then christmas day we spent at mum's friend's house (a Trini household)....and in the night I went to my bf's family. So I had a really great day up here, with good company, and yummy yummy food!!
- I am thankful that it worked out that I was feeling well on christmas day, since my next chemo treatment is after xmas, on Wed. I have some friends who had their treatments the Wed before xmas, and I know they weren't feeling their best....I hope they're doing better now!
- I am thankful for being in Canada where there is so much support available, and free health care!! Woohoo!!
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I do have one more christmas wish.......a cancer free world would be nice!! Maybe that's asking for too much, but I'm hoping some little steps might help make a difference (even if its just a small difference). Since new years resolution time is approaching, maybe you can think of something you can do or change that could help reduce your chance of the 'C' word affecting your life, because if I had one wish, it would be that noone else is diagnosed with this 'disease'. Even if its something that might seem insignificant.....sometimes a little goes a long way. Here are some ideas:
- throw away all your plastic containers and replace with glass ones
- buy yourself some organic/natural products (soap, shampoo, makeup or creams for eg.)
- get a stainless steel water bottle instead of using plastic water bottles
- try to eat minimum 5-7 servings of fruit and veggies everyday....the more the better
- cut back on your sugar intake
- lower your alcohol consumption (1-2 drinks maximum in a day is a suggestion).
- exercise regularly
- learn to handle or reduce your stress (Stress can encourage growth of breast cancer)
They say there are so many things that could cause cancer, so I don't know if there is any sure way to ensure you never get it. But there is no harm in trying. Some of the things I have listed are very easy to do and many of you have probably already done alot of them....so koodos to you!!
Personally, I've been trying to do everything on that list above because I do not want to go through this again!!! It's hard to maintain for sure...a work in progress for me...but a little at a time I guess is better than nothing at all.
Feel free to update me on your steps to a more cancer free life.....I would love to hear what you're doing for you :)
Monday, December 20, 2010
My Chemo Schedule
For quick reference, here are the dates of my next Chemo treatments:
3rd treatment: December 29, 2010
4th treatment: January 19, 2011
5th treatment: February 9, 2011
6th treatment: March 2, 2011
THEN NO MORE TREATMENTS :) :) :)
At the hospital there is this bell that patients ring after they're done receiving their last treatment. Can't wait to ring that bell!!
3rd treatment: December 29, 2010
4th treatment: January 19, 2011
5th treatment: February 9, 2011
6th treatment: March 2, 2011
THEN NO MORE TREATMENTS :) :) :)
At the hospital there is this bell that patients ring after they're done receiving their last treatment. Can't wait to ring that bell!!
It's gone!!!
I am writing to let you know that the time has come...........all my hair is gone!!!
It didn't go out without a fight, I can tell you that! My hair lasted alot longer than I expected.....I guess cause I have/ had so much of it!! Once I noticed it starting to drop, I refused to wash my hair, and tried not to touch it. I wanted to keep my funky hair-do for as long as possible.
But finally, it just became too much. There was so much hair on my pillow one morning when I woke up, that I decided I just had to shave it all off that day. My brother and boyfriend had a little too much fun with this, and here are the pics of them making me look ridiculous!
I couldn't help but laugh at myself!
Then my fuzzy head started to look quite patchy (why doesn't the hair fall out evenly dammit!!). I looked like a Chia pet gone wrong.....so I shaved it even shorter!
Now its almost all gone....I do still have some fuzzies that refuse to come out. I would much rather prefer it to all be gone, so I could rock a nice smooth bald head. But they say not to shave it all the way down because since my hair is not growing, this could cause pieces to still be stuck in my scalp which could cause problems, and be quite annoying. Here is what I look like now (not many people get to see my baldness, so consider yourself lucky!! :P):
For now I'm using my wigs and hats when I go out. Those who have seen my baldness have commented on what a nicely shaped head I have though ;) I must say, I'm still cute bald! ;) Hehe....well I'm not as horrified as I thought I would be. But can't wait to get my hair back!
It didn't go out without a fight, I can tell you that! My hair lasted alot longer than I expected.....I guess cause I have/ had so much of it!! Once I noticed it starting to drop, I refused to wash my hair, and tried not to touch it. I wanted to keep my funky hair-do for as long as possible.
But finally, it just became too much. There was so much hair on my pillow one morning when I woke up, that I decided I just had to shave it all off that day. My brother and boyfriend had a little too much fun with this, and here are the pics of them making me look ridiculous!
This is the final product:
I couldn't help but laugh at myself!
Then my fuzzy head started to look quite patchy (why doesn't the hair fall out evenly dammit!!). I looked like a Chia pet gone wrong.....so I shaved it even shorter!
Now its almost all gone....I do still have some fuzzies that refuse to come out. I would much rather prefer it to all be gone, so I could rock a nice smooth bald head. But they say not to shave it all the way down because since my hair is not growing, this could cause pieces to still be stuck in my scalp which could cause problems, and be quite annoying. Here is what I look like now (not many people get to see my baldness, so consider yourself lucky!! :P):
For now I'm using my wigs and hats when I go out. Those who have seen my baldness have commented on what a nicely shaped head I have though ;) I must say, I'm still cute bald! ;) Hehe....well I'm not as horrified as I thought I would be. But can't wait to get my hair back!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
2 Down.....4 more to go!
I had my 2nd chemo treatment on Wed (Dec 8), and just recovering from that. It's actually been better than the 1st one in terms of nausea and tiredeness.....but I still don't feel "great" and I've locked myself away in my apartment since then. Today was the first day I went outside since Thursday and what a mistake that was.......It's friggin COLD here today (-12 degrees with windchill of negative thirty-something)!! So I've decided I can live without fresh air! I just crack my door open a lil now and then to let the air flow through my apartment.
A couple people have been curious about what exactly is the process for receiving chemo.....how is it done?? Soooo, I'll give you a rundown.
1) I get to the hospital and go to the "chemo area" where I check-in (give them my card and they give me a buzzer).
2) 1 hour before the chemo I have a million and one (ok about 5) anti-nausea pills to take, so I take those.
3) Then I have lots of time to kill because they always make you wait pretty long, so mummy and I prepare a picnic! This time we took sandwiches to munch on, and grapes, and smoothies :) During this time, there are usually volunteers walking around giving out juice and cookies also, so I definitely take advantage of that!!
4) My volunteer friend, Helen, comes and sits with me to keep me company while I wait! Helen's been through chemo many times, so she's got lots of good advice to give! She's so amazing, and I see her practically every time I'm in the hospital, everywhere I go! (I think she must be cloned!)
5) They finally call me in when they have a spot for me. The area is just filled with chairs of people all hooked up to their various chemo drugs. I get a warmer to put on my arm which helps to open up the veins and make it easier to find to put in the IV. Unfortunately this time, they couldn't find my veins so easily (I think my veins knew what was coming, so they decided to hide!!). I got poked twice because of this, and they had to use a baby needle the second time which resulted in the chemo taking longer!
6) My chemo "cocktail" consists of 3 different drugs (sounds like a fun party don't it??......Happy Hour!!). I get 4 syringes, which are manually pushed into the IV by a nurse, and then they hook up a bag for the last drug, which takes 30 mins to go through the IV.
And that's it! They pull out the IV, send me home, and my one week of feeling yucky begins!
A couple people have been curious about what exactly is the process for receiving chemo.....how is it done?? Soooo, I'll give you a rundown.
1) I get to the hospital and go to the "chemo area" where I check-in (give them my card and they give me a buzzer).
2) 1 hour before the chemo I have a million and one (ok about 5) anti-nausea pills to take, so I take those.
3) Then I have lots of time to kill because they always make you wait pretty long, so mummy and I prepare a picnic! This time we took sandwiches to munch on, and grapes, and smoothies :) During this time, there are usually volunteers walking around giving out juice and cookies also, so I definitely take advantage of that!!
4) My volunteer friend, Helen, comes and sits with me to keep me company while I wait! Helen's been through chemo many times, so she's got lots of good advice to give! She's so amazing, and I see her practically every time I'm in the hospital, everywhere I go! (I think she must be cloned!)
5) They finally call me in when they have a spot for me. The area is just filled with chairs of people all hooked up to their various chemo drugs. I get a warmer to put on my arm which helps to open up the veins and make it easier to find to put in the IV. Unfortunately this time, they couldn't find my veins so easily (I think my veins knew what was coming, so they decided to hide!!). I got poked twice because of this, and they had to use a baby needle the second time which resulted in the chemo taking longer!
6) My chemo "cocktail" consists of 3 different drugs (sounds like a fun party don't it??......Happy Hour!!). I get 4 syringes, which are manually pushed into the IV by a nurse, and then they hook up a bag for the last drug, which takes 30 mins to go through the IV.
And that's it! They pull out the IV, send me home, and my one week of feeling yucky begins!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Time for some fun!!! - My new looks
I accepted the fact that my hair would fall out from the chemo........and decided to have some fun with it!! I've always wondered how I would look with short hair, but was always to chicken to try it out. Well now was the perfect chance!
In the beginning, there was long hair:
Decided to do a bob to start:
Then I went shorter:
And shorter.........with some funk:
My Wigs:
My Hats:
What do you think of my new looks??? ;)
[Thanks so much Rachelle and Reeva for the haircuts! And thanks to Olga for the lovely pics! You gals are the best!]
In the beginning, there was long hair:
Decided to do a bob to start:
Then I went shorter:
Now, photo shoot time!!!!!:
My Wigs:
My Hats:
[Thanks so much Rachelle and Reeva for the haircuts! And thanks to Olga for the lovely pics! You gals are the best!]
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Fertility Issues
One of the main issues I have to face is my future fertility. The oncologist let me know right away that one of the chemo drugs I would be given will definitely decrease my chances of having children as it is harmful to the ovaries. Alot of women's periods actually stop while they're on this chemo regiment, and for many of them, it never comes back, pushing them into early menopause.
For the younger women going through this "cancer experience", this is more of an issue than with older women, and for me, it is probably one of my biggest concerns. I don't have any children as yet, but I would definitely love to have one day.
I went to see a fertility doctor to discuss my options, which are as follows:
1) Freeze eggs - This would involve taking some hormone drugs to help stimulate the eggs for "harvest", and then taking out the eggs via a needle after a few weeks. The problem here is that it would've pushed my chemo treatments back because I won't be able to start chemo until the eggs are taken out. And I would risk having the hormone drugs stimulate the cancer cells as well. Also, even if they do freeze the eggs, there is not sure chance that the eggs can later be developed into an actual baby because this is somewhat new territory still, and not quite perfected.
2) Freeze embryos - This is alot more certain than freezing eggs, but would involve getting sperm to fertilize the egg and then freezing the embryo that is developed from that process. Uhhhh....problem......what sperm do I use??? I have only been with my boyfriend for 6 months now, so I think its a bit much to request some of his sperm at this point in the relationship!! (Maybe taking things a little too fast there!!) And the other option is to get sperm from a sperm donor.....sorry, I'm just not comfortable with that idea!! No thanks.
3) Do nothing - Since I am younger and have alot of eggs left, there is a good chance that my periods will resume after I'm done with treatment, and I would still have a chance of having babies. Soooo, this is what I have decided. Just have to pray that it will work out. And I believe what is meant to happen will happen....but fingers crossed still!! :)
For the younger women going through this "cancer experience", this is more of an issue than with older women, and for me, it is probably one of my biggest concerns. I don't have any children as yet, but I would definitely love to have one day.
I went to see a fertility doctor to discuss my options, which are as follows:
1) Freeze eggs - This would involve taking some hormone drugs to help stimulate the eggs for "harvest", and then taking out the eggs via a needle after a few weeks. The problem here is that it would've pushed my chemo treatments back because I won't be able to start chemo until the eggs are taken out. And I would risk having the hormone drugs stimulate the cancer cells as well. Also, even if they do freeze the eggs, there is not sure chance that the eggs can later be developed into an actual baby because this is somewhat new territory still, and not quite perfected.
2) Freeze embryos - This is alot more certain than freezing eggs, but would involve getting sperm to fertilize the egg and then freezing the embryo that is developed from that process. Uhhhh....problem......what sperm do I use??? I have only been with my boyfriend for 6 months now, so I think its a bit much to request some of his sperm at this point in the relationship!! (Maybe taking things a little too fast there!!) And the other option is to get sperm from a sperm donor.....sorry, I'm just not comfortable with that idea!! No thanks.
3) Do nothing - Since I am younger and have alot of eggs left, there is a good chance that my periods will resume after I'm done with treatment, and I would still have a chance of having babies. Soooo, this is what I have decided. Just have to pray that it will work out. And I believe what is meant to happen will happen....but fingers crossed still!! :)
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Feeling brand new!
I am so thrilled to be feeling myself once again! After the first week of practically drooling on myself all day, I was finally able to get out and about....that's why I haven't even had a chance to post anything all week! The timing couldn't be better, cause it was my boyfriend's birthday on Wed and I had to be there for his birthday dinner!!! I was just so happy to not fall asleep on myself during the dinner!
Since I've been feeling better, I've taken advantage of this, and definitely been keeping busy (in moderation of course)! Went out salsa dancing for the first time in forever, and my arm was fine :) However I declined to dance with anyone I didn't know in fear of them twisting my arm into a pretzel or tugging too hard! Since the surgery my arm has been slowly getting back to normal, but I'm still trying to be careful with it.
Another exciting thing I did was get some pet fishies!! My sweet boyfriend bought me a small tank so that it would give me something to do while I'm stuck inside. We thought about a puppy, but that would probably be a bit too much work for me (I'm very bad with animals). So I went and bought 7 neon tetras on Sunday to put in the tank. Unfortunately, the guy who helped us did not mention that he gave me suicidal fish! Within just a few hours, one fish went crazy and jumped straight out the tank! We put him back in, but by the next day he was a goner:( Two of the others have already gotten themselves stuck in one of the filter holes....luckily I was there to pull them out in time...they just seem a little bruised. These fish are giving me more excitement than I expected! Here's the new addition to my family:
I also did some other exciting things which I will be sharing with you in another post......so stay tuned!!! ;)
Its funny how I appreciate different things in my life these days. Like just being able to stay awake for the whole day. Or waking up and still having hair on my head....that's a good hair day for me! I'm expecting my hair to fall out any day now (they say 2 to 5 weeks after your first treatment....tomorrow will make 2 weeks). I enjoy sleeping as long as I want and not feeling guilty about it. I'm so happy that my mom is able to stay with me for all the time I'm on chemo.....before I would go crazy having her here for so long (love you mummy!! hehe), but now its a blessing! Everytime my boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful/sexy it means so much! It's hard to feel that way sometimes after having the surgery, or during my chemo comas....so to be complimented like that is just soooo great and helps me to keep feeling good about myself! :)
Well its time to put my fishies to bed......ta ta for now!
Since I've been feeling better, I've taken advantage of this, and definitely been keeping busy (in moderation of course)! Went out salsa dancing for the first time in forever, and my arm was fine :) However I declined to dance with anyone I didn't know in fear of them twisting my arm into a pretzel or tugging too hard! Since the surgery my arm has been slowly getting back to normal, but I'm still trying to be careful with it.
Another exciting thing I did was get some pet fishies!! My sweet boyfriend bought me a small tank so that it would give me something to do while I'm stuck inside. We thought about a puppy, but that would probably be a bit too much work for me (I'm very bad with animals). So I went and bought 7 neon tetras on Sunday to put in the tank. Unfortunately, the guy who helped us did not mention that he gave me suicidal fish! Within just a few hours, one fish went crazy and jumped straight out the tank! We put him back in, but by the next day he was a goner:( Two of the others have already gotten themselves stuck in one of the filter holes....luckily I was there to pull them out in time...they just seem a little bruised. These fish are giving me more excitement than I expected! Here's the new addition to my family:
I also did some other exciting things which I will be sharing with you in another post......so stay tuned!!! ;)
Its funny how I appreciate different things in my life these days. Like just being able to stay awake for the whole day. Or waking up and still having hair on my head....that's a good hair day for me! I'm expecting my hair to fall out any day now (they say 2 to 5 weeks after your first treatment....tomorrow will make 2 weeks). I enjoy sleeping as long as I want and not feeling guilty about it. I'm so happy that my mom is able to stay with me for all the time I'm on chemo.....before I would go crazy having her here for so long (love you mummy!! hehe), but now its a blessing! Everytime my boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful/sexy it means so much! It's hard to feel that way sometimes after having the surgery, or during my chemo comas....so to be complimented like that is just soooo great and helps me to keep feeling good about myself! :)
Well its time to put my fishies to bed......ta ta for now!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Chemo Pains
So even though the last few days have been ok, I would be lying if I said it hasn't been difficult. Everyone's been saying I've been so strong through this journey so far, but everyone has their weak moments....part of being human right?
I know I'm lucky that the chemo hasn't hit me as hard as alot of people, and I'm lucky I'm young so that I have the strength to handle it, but maaaaaaaaaaaan its frustrating! I've had a few mini breakdowns already.
The first one was on my Chemo day#1 when I started to feel really nauseous, and my body started to feel all weird inside. I didn't know what was going on in there, but I didn't like it..... not one bit! I just felt so helpless and all I could do was just lie there and take it! It was like a really bad hangover...unfortunately without the fun night out!
Another thing that broke me was just feeling so tired and not being able to do the things I normally do. To walk to the grocery was a big deal (the grocery is a 2 min walk from my place), and when I got there I just sat outside and waited for mummy to get what she needed. I went to the storage downstairs to get my christmas tree yesterday and almost fainted on the way back up. I was on the treadmill today for a grand total of 13 mins going at snail pace, and I still felt light headed afterwards! And that was ALOT of exercise compared to the last few days! I have to take a nap after everything....like I go to pee, and that's alot of work, so I take a nap.....ok ok I'm exaggerating, but I have been sleeping lots!!
I feel like life is going on around me, and I can't partake in it. I'm missing out on all these events, trapped in my tired body in my little apartment. I really hope its not going to be like this for long or else I'm gonna go crazy!!
I know I'm lucky that the chemo hasn't hit me as hard as alot of people, and I'm lucky I'm young so that I have the strength to handle it, but maaaaaaaaaaaan its frustrating! I've had a few mini breakdowns already.
The first one was on my Chemo day#1 when I started to feel really nauseous, and my body started to feel all weird inside. I didn't know what was going on in there, but I didn't like it..... not one bit! I just felt so helpless and all I could do was just lie there and take it! It was like a really bad hangover...unfortunately without the fun night out!
Another thing that broke me was just feeling so tired and not being able to do the things I normally do. To walk to the grocery was a big deal (the grocery is a 2 min walk from my place), and when I got there I just sat outside and waited for mummy to get what she needed. I went to the storage downstairs to get my christmas tree yesterday and almost fainted on the way back up. I was on the treadmill today for a grand total of 13 mins going at snail pace, and I still felt light headed afterwards! And that was ALOT of exercise compared to the last few days! I have to take a nap after everything....like I go to pee, and that's alot of work, so I take a nap.....ok ok I'm exaggerating, but I have been sleeping lots!!
I feel like life is going on around me, and I can't partake in it. I'm missing out on all these events, trapped in my tired body in my little apartment. I really hope its not going to be like this for long or else I'm gonna go crazy!!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The day after Chemo treatment #1
Hey everyone, just wanted to let you know that I'm doing OK!!!
My first treatment was yesterday. I went in, got the chemo through an IV, and everything went smoothly. The nurse was really nice, and I have a "hospital friend" named Helen who stayed with me throughout the time I was there (She is an older lady who volunteers at the hospital...very knowledgeable as she's been through chemo 4 times already!). I was there for a total of about 3 hours, and then cabbed it home with mummy after.
I didn't feel much at first, but became a bit sleepy, so ended up just laying in bed as I got home. And even though I had 3 different anti-nausea tables before the chemo, I still got pretty nauseous and dizzy after a little while! This part definitely wasn't fun! I was in and out of sleep, and kept tuning into every little change I felt in my body. My heart felt like it was pounding at one time, and my toes tingled and become numb a little bit. I didn't like the changes, cause I knew these drugs in my body were attacking everything and there was nothing I could do about it! I felt anxious thinking about having to go through this for 5 more treatments, and realized why alot of people mentioned that I just have to stick it out.....I was already thinking "How am I going to make it through all of this??"
But I was also told, take it a day at a time! So that's what I am doing. This morning I woke up feeling much better! Not normal......but not horrible. I went back to the hospital for another drug: an injection which will help keep up my white blood cell count (It cost $3,000 CDN for this one shot!! Thank god for insurance!!).
I'm so happy that it hasn't been too bad as yet for me.....and even though there's a chance it could get worse, I'm praying that yesterday was as bad as it gets.
Thanks for all the support!
My first treatment was yesterday. I went in, got the chemo through an IV, and everything went smoothly. The nurse was really nice, and I have a "hospital friend" named Helen who stayed with me throughout the time I was there (She is an older lady who volunteers at the hospital...very knowledgeable as she's been through chemo 4 times already!). I was there for a total of about 3 hours, and then cabbed it home with mummy after.
I didn't feel much at first, but became a bit sleepy, so ended up just laying in bed as I got home. And even though I had 3 different anti-nausea tables before the chemo, I still got pretty nauseous and dizzy after a little while! This part definitely wasn't fun! I was in and out of sleep, and kept tuning into every little change I felt in my body. My heart felt like it was pounding at one time, and my toes tingled and become numb a little bit. I didn't like the changes, cause I knew these drugs in my body were attacking everything and there was nothing I could do about it! I felt anxious thinking about having to go through this for 5 more treatments, and realized why alot of people mentioned that I just have to stick it out.....I was already thinking "How am I going to make it through all of this??"
But I was also told, take it a day at a time! So that's what I am doing. This morning I woke up feeling much better! Not normal......but not horrible. I went back to the hospital for another drug: an injection which will help keep up my white blood cell count (It cost $3,000 CDN for this one shot!! Thank god for insurance!!).
I'm so happy that it hasn't been too bad as yet for me.....and even though there's a chance it could get worse, I'm praying that yesterday was as bad as it gets.
Thanks for all the support!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The morning before Chemo
So today is going to be my first Chemo treatment! I am a little nervous.........ok maybe TERRIFIED is a better word!!
I think what worries me most is that I just don't know how my body will react to this thing. Everyone I've talked to has had different experiences. Some say their first chemo was the worst, where others say the last one was the worst. Some told me that they felt sick right away, whereas others don't feel it until a few days later. Some people call it HELL (oh that sounds wonderful!!), and some say their experience was difficult, but not too bad. So I just don't know what to expect!
I do have a million and one tablets to take this morning before chemo to help prevent the nausea, so I hope these pills really do their job well!! Will let you know how this thing goes....fingers crossed that my experience will be fun and a walk in the park (haha, ok probably not going to be fun....but I'll settle for "tolerable").
I think what worries me most is that I just don't know how my body will react to this thing. Everyone I've talked to has had different experiences. Some say their first chemo was the worst, where others say the last one was the worst. Some told me that they felt sick right away, whereas others don't feel it until a few days later. Some people call it HELL (oh that sounds wonderful!!), and some say their experience was difficult, but not too bad. So I just don't know what to expect!
I do have a million and one tablets to take this morning before chemo to help prevent the nausea, so I hope these pills really do their job well!! Will let you know how this thing goes....fingers crossed that my experience will be fun and a walk in the park (haha, ok probably not going to be fun....but I'll settle for "tolerable").
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Why I Blog
I was originally thinking of a way to keep everyone updated without driving myself crazy having to repeat the same things over and over again!! I really appreciate everyone calling and messaging me to find out how I'm doing....but I'm so sorry, I was honestly getting a bit tiring talking about it all the time. So I thought about recording the updates and when someone calls I could just play it for everyone...but I figured that might upset some people :P Then someone suggested sending out mass emails to everyone as this is what she found helpful while going through her treatments. That was a great idea!! But then........ I thought of blogging which could be a little more colourful and fun!! :) Another benefit of doing a blog is that it could possibly reach more people. Although I'm normally a very private person, there are a few reasons why I didn't mind others reading about my experiences: 1) I thought if other women/men were also battling cancer came across my blog they would hopefully find some comfort and strength through my experience. Especially for younger people, where it is not as common. 2) I would also like other young people to read this and realize that they aren't invincible to this disease, like I thought I was!! It is occurring much more these days in younger persons than before. I'm lucky because I detected mine early, so I hope that others close to my age will realize the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle and of doing regular check-ups (self-examination goes a long way...and its FREEE!!). 3) A bonus for me was that if I could inspire someone, then that would be just incredible. So far I've gotten so many positive responses to the blog, and a few people telling me that they have been inspired already! I'm quite pleasantly surprised, and it feels amazing to get such wonderful feedback. So thank you to everyone for their comments....it means so much to me!! :)
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Change of Date
My chemo start date has been pushed back a week to Nov 17th instead. I went to the doctor again this week (lots of appointments these days), and they want to do some more tests first. They noticed something in my chest scan which they just have to check out first.
I'm glad I have a little more time actually, because I feel like there's still stuff I want to do to prepare like attend more info sessions, fix up my diet, read through all the material I have collected over the last week (there's soooo much info I'm a bit overwhelmed!).
One of the sessions I went to this week was called "Look Good Feel Better". It was held at the hospital and I'm so glad I went! They showed you how to cleanse and moisturize your face, put on your makeup, and take care of your wig so that you could still look good during your treatments! The best part was we got a whole box of free giveaways!!!! Which woman doesn't like to get free makeup :D And it was good stuff too, like Elizabeth Arden, Clinique, Revlon, Mac etc....Toner, Foundation, blush, eye shadow, creams and much more. Christmas came early!!! I would recommend this to anyone who's going to go through chemo:)
I'm glad I have a little more time actually, because I feel like there's still stuff I want to do to prepare like attend more info sessions, fix up my diet, read through all the material I have collected over the last week (there's soooo much info I'm a bit overwhelmed!).
One of the sessions I went to this week was called "Look Good Feel Better". It was held at the hospital and I'm so glad I went! They showed you how to cleanse and moisturize your face, put on your makeup, and take care of your wig so that you could still look good during your treatments! The best part was we got a whole box of free giveaways!!!! Which woman doesn't like to get free makeup :D And it was good stuff too, like Elizabeth Arden, Clinique, Revlon, Mac etc....Toner, Foundation, blush, eye shadow, creams and much more. Christmas came early!!! I would recommend this to anyone who's going to go through chemo:)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Inspirational Women!
I have met some really amazing women recently and I just wanted to tell you about them!
This weekend I went to a conference for Young Women with Breast Cancer (young being under 45). "Lucky" for me, October is breast cancer month, so there were so many things going on, this being one of them. It was all weekend, but I only went on Saturday, and I'm so glad that I went. Pretty much the conference had a number of different seminars you could attend, and then a few booths around promoting different things like Breast Cancer resources, implants, wigs etc.
I went to the following seminars which were extremely interesting:
1) Breast Reconstruction: Knowing your options --> it'll be nice to get a new boob after this :)
2) Intimacy & Sexuality for Women in Relationships: Rekindling the Flame --> I learnt here that I will likely have menopausal symptoms at 28! (maybe I shouldn't have teased mummy so much about her hot flashes)
3) A discussion on Self Advocacy
4) Healthy Eating for Healthy Living --> I really want to get healthy now, but it seems like its gonna be alot of work!
Anywayz, I wanted to talk about the women there. It wasn't like there were all these bald women walking around looking sickly or noticably one-breasted or anything like that. They were all normal looking, and many of them actually looking quite good! I got to meet a few and hear their different experiences and it was just so refreshing to see how positive so many of them were. Everyone I met had already gone through their treatment, and gave me reassurance that I will be fine! "It'll be hard, but you'll be ok" they said.
I also met another woman this weekend through a friend of mine who sat with me for hours talking about her experience, and I think I was a changed person after speaking with her! Not only did she have breast cancer, but she had lost her husband just 3 years earlier while she was pregnant with her second child. After getting her diagnosis she had surgery and then chemotherapy for a year, and radiation during that time which burnt her skin badly. If that's not enough, she hasn't seen her 3 yr old daughter in over a year! But besides all of this she was so upbeat and had the most positive outlook on life.....it was so AMAZING!!!
More than one of these women told me that breast cancer changed their lives in a positive way. It gave them the chance to reflect on their lives, and realize that changes needed to be made, and that they needed to take care of themselves more (as so many women are always taking care of everyone else first, and ignoring themselves). Some even said that they were happy that they got breast cancer!! I would have never expected to hear that, but I heard it more than once this past weekend.
I guess that after going through everything these women went through, it has taught them to live for the present and to appreciate the small things in life. Lessons that alot of people have a hard time learning. And I learnt that I must be one of the lucky ones! This breast cancer is going to change my life for the better :)
This weekend I went to a conference for Young Women with Breast Cancer (young being under 45). "Lucky" for me, October is breast cancer month, so there were so many things going on, this being one of them. It was all weekend, but I only went on Saturday, and I'm so glad that I went. Pretty much the conference had a number of different seminars you could attend, and then a few booths around promoting different things like Breast Cancer resources, implants, wigs etc.
I went to the following seminars which were extremely interesting:
1) Breast Reconstruction: Knowing your options --> it'll be nice to get a new boob after this :)
2) Intimacy & Sexuality for Women in Relationships: Rekindling the Flame --> I learnt here that I will likely have menopausal symptoms at 28! (maybe I shouldn't have teased mummy so much about her hot flashes)
3) A discussion on Self Advocacy
4) Healthy Eating for Healthy Living --> I really want to get healthy now, but it seems like its gonna be alot of work!
Anywayz, I wanted to talk about the women there. It wasn't like there were all these bald women walking around looking sickly or noticably one-breasted or anything like that. They were all normal looking, and many of them actually looking quite good! I got to meet a few and hear their different experiences and it was just so refreshing to see how positive so many of them were. Everyone I met had already gone through their treatment, and gave me reassurance that I will be fine! "It'll be hard, but you'll be ok" they said.
I also met another woman this weekend through a friend of mine who sat with me for hours talking about her experience, and I think I was a changed person after speaking with her! Not only did she have breast cancer, but she had lost her husband just 3 years earlier while she was pregnant with her second child. After getting her diagnosis she had surgery and then chemotherapy for a year, and radiation during that time which burnt her skin badly. If that's not enough, she hasn't seen her 3 yr old daughter in over a year! But besides all of this she was so upbeat and had the most positive outlook on life.....it was so AMAZING!!!
More than one of these women told me that breast cancer changed their lives in a positive way. It gave them the chance to reflect on their lives, and realize that changes needed to be made, and that they needed to take care of themselves more (as so many women are always taking care of everyone else first, and ignoring themselves). Some even said that they were happy that they got breast cancer!! I would have never expected to hear that, but I heard it more than once this past weekend.
I guess that after going through everything these women went through, it has taught them to live for the present and to appreciate the small things in life. Lessons that alot of people have a hard time learning. And I learnt that I must be one of the lucky ones! This breast cancer is going to change my life for the better :)
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
How my life has changed so far
1) No dancing - I've always enjoyed dancing and most recently I was with a Latin dance group which did various performances all over. Well I definitely can't do this right now since my wound has to heal, and I have to regain full mobility in my arm.
2) No work - Some women apparently go back to work soon after surgery, and might work during chemo as well. However with all the appointments that I have these days, and since my job can be quite stressful at times or long hours, my doctor has recommended that I take the time off from work to focus on myself and to ensure that I'm as relaxed and stress free as possible. I'm not gonna fight with the doctor!!
3) No intense activity - I almost feel normal, like before I had the surgery, but then I walk around all day or do some kind of excess activity, and I don't feel so good after :( So as much as I would like to tell myself that I'm fine and can do what I normally used to do, I guess I should keep myself quiet for now. I avoid places that might be too crowded/busy because I don't want anyone to accidentally bump into me. I prefer quiet things like movies or dinners or pumpkin carving!! Yeah I'm still able to enjoy some halloween stuff :)
4) No alcohol - The doctor recommended I take good care of myself, and maybe staying away from alcohol would be a good idea. Also, with the chemo, they say to keep off alcohol as it could affect the treatment. Therefore, I have decided to just totally give up alcohol. It's really not that hard :P
5) Shopping List - I never thought my shopping list would consist of a fake boob, fake eyelashes and wigs (not to be worn in a dance performance)!
6) Contact with friends and family - The best thing is definitely getting to be in contact with so many friends and family! Everyone tends to get caught up in their routines, and I'm definitely terrible at keeping in contact with people. But these days, its great getting so many calls and messages and emails from so many people. It really helps to know that so many people are concerned and thinking about me and praying for me. So thank you!!!
2) No work - Some women apparently go back to work soon after surgery, and might work during chemo as well. However with all the appointments that I have these days, and since my job can be quite stressful at times or long hours, my doctor has recommended that I take the time off from work to focus on myself and to ensure that I'm as relaxed and stress free as possible. I'm not gonna fight with the doctor!!
3) No intense activity - I almost feel normal, like before I had the surgery, but then I walk around all day or do some kind of excess activity, and I don't feel so good after :( So as much as I would like to tell myself that I'm fine and can do what I normally used to do, I guess I should keep myself quiet for now. I avoid places that might be too crowded/busy because I don't want anyone to accidentally bump into me. I prefer quiet things like movies or dinners or pumpkin carving!! Yeah I'm still able to enjoy some halloween stuff :)
4) No alcohol - The doctor recommended I take good care of myself, and maybe staying away from alcohol would be a good idea. Also, with the chemo, they say to keep off alcohol as it could affect the treatment. Therefore, I have decided to just totally give up alcohol. It's really not that hard :P
5) Shopping List - I never thought my shopping list would consist of a fake boob, fake eyelashes and wigs (not to be worn in a dance performance)!
6) Contact with friends and family - The best thing is definitely getting to be in contact with so many friends and family! Everyone tends to get caught up in their routines, and I'm definitely terrible at keeping in contact with people. But these days, its great getting so many calls and messages and emails from so many people. It really helps to know that so many people are concerned and thinking about me and praying for me. So thank you!!!
The next treatment plans
Last week I met with my medical oncologist (the guy who deals with the chemotherapy / radiation side of things). He went over my pathology with me from the surgery (the results after testing the tissue that was removed during surgery).
[side note: I don't know how many people know these terms, because I surely didn't before all of this, so just thought I'd explain everything as simply as possible for all to understand]
The results:
- I have stage 1 cancer (yay!!!)
- The tumour was 1.4cm (I can't believe such a small thing can disrupt my life so much!)
- It seems like they got everything out and nothing has spread
So a pretty good pathology!!
But.....because of my young age, they want to be aggressive. I have alot of years left to live! This cancer can re-occur in the future and there could be minute cancer cells that have spread through my body which cannot be detected right now. Also, luckily breast cancer is quite treatable, but if the cancer were to come back in another part of my body, it could be more difficult to treat. So considering all of this, chemotherapy was recommended, followed by some hormonal drugs for a couple years after. I agreed that this is what I want (Yes, I have a choice), because I want to get rid of this cancer for good and hope that it never comes back!!
The date is set for my first treatment on November 10. Pretty soon! Yes I feel nervous! But the sooner I start the sooner I finish! I will be getting 6 treatments, 3 weeks between each. Well with the bitter cold winter quite near, I guess its a good time to be cuddled indoors under my blankie! Although, I don't plan to be lying in bed all the time.....you'll be seeing me around!! Excited to show off my new wigs!! :)
[side note: I don't know how many people know these terms, because I surely didn't before all of this, so just thought I'd explain everything as simply as possible for all to understand]
The results:
- I have stage 1 cancer (yay!!!)
- The tumour was 1.4cm (I can't believe such a small thing can disrupt my life so much!)
- It seems like they got everything out and nothing has spread
So a pretty good pathology!!
But.....because of my young age, they want to be aggressive. I have alot of years left to live! This cancer can re-occur in the future and there could be minute cancer cells that have spread through my body which cannot be detected right now. Also, luckily breast cancer is quite treatable, but if the cancer were to come back in another part of my body, it could be more difficult to treat. So considering all of this, chemotherapy was recommended, followed by some hormonal drugs for a couple years after. I agreed that this is what I want (Yes, I have a choice), because I want to get rid of this cancer for good and hope that it never comes back!!
The date is set for my first treatment on November 10. Pretty soon! Yes I feel nervous! But the sooner I start the sooner I finish! I will be getting 6 treatments, 3 weeks between each. Well with the bitter cold winter quite near, I guess its a good time to be cuddled indoors under my blankie! Although, I don't plan to be lying in bed all the time.....you'll be seeing me around!! Excited to show off my new wigs!! :)
Friday, October 29, 2010
The first step to recovery
I went to see the surgeon one week after I found out my diagnosis. I was sent for an MRI, and they saw that there was a second lump in the same area now! Sooo, the surgeon recommended that I have a mastecomy (removal of the whole breast....eeeeek!). Well, at least I'm small chested, so its not going to make that much of a difference!
The surgery date came....Sept 30. I wasn't as nervous as I expected I would be....at first. There was a class that was mandatory to attend prior to the surgery and it went over what I should expect and how to take care of myself after. This was quite unsettling to hear, but it did make me feel a little more prepared I guess. Also, there were about 7 other women in the class who were all going to go through the same thing, and I thought "If they could do it, then so can I!"
But as I sat there in my not-so-flattering blue hospital wear, I couldn't help but feel anxious. I mean....I've never had surgery before really (besides removing my tonsils and wisdom teeth). Its scary stuff!! Here's me quite anxious before surgery:
They finally called me in, and I did shed a few tears as they wheeled me to the surgery room. The worst part was waking up to alot of pain and discomfort in my chest and arm.......but they immediately told me that everything went well and that the lymph nodes tested were negative (this is a good thing because it means the cancer has likely not spread). "Yaaay negative lymph nodes.....DAMN MY ARM HURTS!!!".
But once the pain killers kicked in, and my body stopped shivering, I was just fine. I got to go back to my room and be with my loved ones. Lots of visitors came by with flowers which decorated up my room quite nicely. I was finally allowed to eat ....woohooo (as they made me stop eating and drinking midnight the day before). Here I am after surgery feeling surprisingly good:
Don't know what they were giving me through the IV, but it must have been good stuff!!
At this point I had a drain coming out of me (just below my chest) which was not the nicest thing. Luckily I only got 1, instead of the 2 they originally said I would need. And it was removed within 4 days, rather than the week or 2 which is normal. I guess its the perks of being young and having a small chest to start off with! :)
The only problem with the drain is that I had to carry it around with me for the 4 days. I got a camisole from the hospital which had little pockets to put the drain in, or I would just pin it on the inside of my shirt....definitely couldn't wear anything tight/sexy. And when I showered, well I needed help....I held the drain while my mummy or bf sponged me off....thank god for them!!
But now, over 4 weeks after, I'm drain free, pain free and can move my arm alot more than before. Slowly I'm doing more and more exercises and stretches for my arm. Hoping to be dancing again soon :)
The surgery date came....Sept 30. I wasn't as nervous as I expected I would be....at first. There was a class that was mandatory to attend prior to the surgery and it went over what I should expect and how to take care of myself after. This was quite unsettling to hear, but it did make me feel a little more prepared I guess. Also, there were about 7 other women in the class who were all going to go through the same thing, and I thought "If they could do it, then so can I!"
But as I sat there in my not-so-flattering blue hospital wear, I couldn't help but feel anxious. I mean....I've never had surgery before really (besides removing my tonsils and wisdom teeth). Its scary stuff!! Here's me quite anxious before surgery:
They finally called me in, and I did shed a few tears as they wheeled me to the surgery room. The worst part was waking up to alot of pain and discomfort in my chest and arm.......but they immediately told me that everything went well and that the lymph nodes tested were negative (this is a good thing because it means the cancer has likely not spread). "Yaaay negative lymph nodes.....DAMN MY ARM HURTS!!!".
But once the pain killers kicked in, and my body stopped shivering, I was just fine. I got to go back to my room and be with my loved ones. Lots of visitors came by with flowers which decorated up my room quite nicely. I was finally allowed to eat ....woohooo (as they made me stop eating and drinking midnight the day before). Here I am after surgery feeling surprisingly good:
Don't know what they were giving me through the IV, but it must have been good stuff!!
At this point I had a drain coming out of me (just below my chest) which was not the nicest thing. Luckily I only got 1, instead of the 2 they originally said I would need. And it was removed within 4 days, rather than the week or 2 which is normal. I guess its the perks of being young and having a small chest to start off with! :)
The only problem with the drain is that I had to carry it around with me for the 4 days. I got a camisole from the hospital which had little pockets to put the drain in, or I would just pin it on the inside of my shirt....definitely couldn't wear anything tight/sexy. And when I showered, well I needed help....I held the drain while my mummy or bf sponged me off....thank god for them!!
But now, over 4 weeks after, I'm drain free, pain free and can move my arm alot more than before. Slowly I'm doing more and more exercises and stretches for my arm. Hoping to be dancing again soon :)
What?? Me?? Breast Cancer??
2010 has been very good to me!
- I joined a new Latin dance group which I thoroughly enjoyed performing with.
- I got my Chartered Accounting designation.....such a relief!
- Started a new relationship, which has been amazing....great guy;)
- Got to perform in Bermuda.....the beaches are so beautiful there.
- Went on a Eurotrip which was sooooooo much fun!
But then...there was this thing...this lump that was there in my breast. I found it by chance last year August and did an ultra sound, but the doctor said it didn't seem like anything to worry about. "Just keep an eye on it and come back if it doesn't go away."
It was still there in May, so I went to check it out again. This time they suggested I do some further tests....a Biopsy. So right before my big Eurotrip, I went in for this Biopsy, and they added in another ultra sound and mammogram for good measure. It was actually AWFUL!! (For those of you who have done it before....you know what I mean).
I happily went on my trip (was gone for a month), and while I was gone, the results came in. They couldn't contact me though, so I was in blissful ingorance for that month.
As soon as I got back is when I was called into the doctor and got the "news". I don't think I fully understood what she meant when she said I had Breast Cancer. Noone I know personally has had Breast Cancer.... People my age don't get that!.... I guess they just have to remove the lump, and I'll be fine!....Right?!?!?
The doctor said "The next few months are going to be very difficult....."
That's when the tears came.....
- I joined a new Latin dance group which I thoroughly enjoyed performing with.
- I got my Chartered Accounting designation.....such a relief!
- Started a new relationship, which has been amazing....great guy;)
- Got to perform in Bermuda.....the beaches are so beautiful there.
- Went on a Eurotrip which was sooooooo much fun!
But then...there was this thing...this lump that was there in my breast. I found it by chance last year August and did an ultra sound, but the doctor said it didn't seem like anything to worry about. "Just keep an eye on it and come back if it doesn't go away."
It was still there in May, so I went to check it out again. This time they suggested I do some further tests....a Biopsy. So right before my big Eurotrip, I went in for this Biopsy, and they added in another ultra sound and mammogram for good measure. It was actually AWFUL!! (For those of you who have done it before....you know what I mean).
I happily went on my trip (was gone for a month), and while I was gone, the results came in. They couldn't contact me though, so I was in blissful ingorance for that month.
As soon as I got back is when I was called into the doctor and got the "news". I don't think I fully understood what she meant when she said I had Breast Cancer. Noone I know personally has had Breast Cancer.... People my age don't get that!.... I guess they just have to remove the lump, and I'll be fine!....Right?!?!?
The doctor said "The next few months are going to be very difficult....."
That's when the tears came.....
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