I am now a member of a special group!

You can't just get into this group. You actually don't even want to be a part of it. But once you're in, its kinda nice. And once you're in, you are never kicked out. It's the group of breast cancer survivors, which I've realized is  like a sorority or sisterhood.

This week I went with my boyfriend to meet a lady about an event space for a fundraising event we are planning. She discussed all the details and was happy to give us the space free of charge, which was so wonderful! The funds raised from the event are going to Princess Margaret Hospital, and she is a cancer survivor who was treated there.

She started to mention what a great place Princess Margaret is and that she had a really positive experience there. I agreed with her and told her that I am being treated there also. She looked at me in shock...."You have Cancer???" And she said "Take it off." So I took off my hat to expose my bald head. All of a sudden this bond was formed between us. We started chatting about our doctors, our treatments, our side effects. At the end of our little meeting she said "Come here my sister" and pulled me in for a hug.

So that's what made me think about this sisterhood that I'm now a part of. Through our experiences with cancer, we are united. Noone else can really truly understand what you're going through unless they've been through it as well. That's why during this journey, my fellow cancer survivors have been invaluable to me and have helped me so much to get through this!

The closest friends I have made recently are 2 women who are pretty much at the same stage in their treatments as I am. One of them I met in my pre-surgery class, and she took me under her wing like another mother. The other lady I met at a workshop at the hospital....she's also 28 and coincidentally our last chemo is going to be the same day.....March 2nd YEAHHHH!!

I've been in touch with them throughout the whole process, and we compare notes constantly. It helps me to feel less anxious about my side effects, just knowing that someone else is feeling similar things happen to their body. And it just helps to talk and laugh a bit about what's going on. I really don't know what I would've done without them!

So I am happy to be a part of this sisterhood! I've met some amazing women and I know I'll meet many more. I definitely didn't want to be a part of it, but now that I am, I feel very welcomed and comfortable....and I love my new sisters!

I need to pace myself!

As you have probably realized, I like to keep myself busy! Last weekend was filled with fun!

I went for wings on Fri and watched "I am number four".....which I thought was a pretty good movie.

Saturday I went to the Bachata Festival. The Latin group I was a part of (before all this cancer stuff happened) was performing, so I went to support and see what they've been up to....they were great! I did some dancing, but realized I get tired a lot faster now. I couldn't even finish one song without being completely out of breath! So most of the night I just sat and chatted and watched other people dance....which I really enjoyed!

Sunday was a trip to the Auto show......some very nice cars! Lots of walking though. I did sit in quite a few cars so that I could get some rest in between...and check out the car interiors of course.

There was a holiday here in Toronto on Monday (Family Day). Spent it with the boyfriend's family. They planned to work out P90X style! I thought it was a good idea to try the P90X yoga, since I've been enjoying my yoga classes so much lately! Oh wow it was hard....much tougher than my GENTLE yoga classes.

So this week I have been paying for my busy weekend. I've felt so tired over the past few days! Since I started chemo, I've done some light exercise....never enough to make my muscles hurt. But maybe I pushed a little too much with that P90X yoga. The muscle pain didn't feel like a good muscle pain; it was more like a mild version of the chemo pains. I found that my skin got extra sensitive, and I felt colder than usual (it was difficult for me to get warm). Maybe my body can't handle all that exercise right now so I guess I should take it easy and I gotta pace myself! Soon Kristal....soon you'll be able to get back your energy and work out like before!

R.I.P. Lola

Last month my boyfriend's grandmother/lola passed away.....another victim of Cancer. She had been battling Lymphoma and Multiple Myeloma for the past few years. I've just been thinking about it the past few days because the funeral was right after my 4th treatment. I probably should have been resting my body and taking it easy, but I couldn't. I knew my boyfriend and his family were feeling alot more pain than I was, and I wanted to be there....for any support I could give. So I forgot about my pains for a little bit and went to the viewing and the funeral over the weekend.

It's just a reminder of how much pain this disease can cause. How many lives it takes. How many families lose their loved ones.

Sure Lola was 84, so she did have alot of years under her belt. But maybe she could have enjoyed quite a few more years, if it wasn't for the cancer. I didn't know her for very long, but I know she was an amazing woman who was loved a whole lot. She was so pleasant, always making people laugh, and she loved to smile for pictures!

Wayne and his brothers have decided to do the Ride to Conquer Cancer in honour of their dear Lola and for myself. I feel so touched that they are doing this.....its such a great gesture of their love and support! You can learn more about it, make a donation and see Lola's smiling face in the following link:
Ride to Conquer Cancer - Wayne's personal page

I feel lucky because right now I'm not battling for my life. I can't imagine how hard it must be though for those who are fighting for their lives, and I'm sure it takes so much strength for themselves and their families. Going through this journey has definitely brought me into contact with alot of cancer patients and their stories. It's quite scary, sometimes overwhelming and it really breaks my heart! My thoughts and prayers go out to all those patients and their loved ones. Don't worry.....one day we will conquer cancer!

R.I.P. Marcosa Barbaza (Lola)

Survived 5th treatment

The worst is over now from the 5th treatment. I've survived another one!! This was better than the 4th treatment, I guess cause my body has gotten used to this chemo drug somewhat. The pains weren't nearly as bad as the last time....I didn't even have to take any painkillers!

I did still get some pains mainly in my knees and back and I think the hot flashes were a bit more frequent this time. I wake up many times in a sweat during the night. During the day I continuously keep taking my hat off my head when I heat up, then putting it on again when my head gets cold, off and on, off and on (I usually use a hat cause you get quite cold when you have no hair on your head!). Up to yesterday I couldn't stand for too long or I would feel faint....almost fainted again while trying to buy some valentines day cards. My stomach has been quite sensitive these days....it hurts for every thing! My period is all messed up. When I blow my nose, I get spots of blood coming out. My heart beats faster than usual and I get winded very quickly. But overall, its much better than I expected!

[Sorry if this is too much info....just trying to give you a full picture of what's going on....the little things that are probably rarely mentioned.]

Oh and here is a pic me getting the dreaded drug. That's ice packs on my hands and feet which are used to prevent them from tingling while you get the chemo. Very 'Cool' isn't it! Ok maybe not. I was actually freezing because of those damn ice packs, so they brought me some nice heated blankets to through over myself!!

I did take it very easy for the past week and watched alot of tv, as I mentioned I probably would. But I was happy that I was well enough to go out for a nice Valentines dinner :) The bf and I had planned to just do dinner the weekend after since I didn't expect to be able to move much, but Monday I woke up with minimal pains, so Valentines dinner was on! I had a Valentines lunch date with mummy also! It was a good day :)

I was also well enough to do some nail painting while watching the grammies....check it out:

I got a nail art set for christmas (thanks Cindy!), so I wanted to try it out. I know I need some practice....but a good first try right?? :P

Now time to have more fun for the next 2 feel-good weeks :)

5th one is done!!! Only 1 left!

Just had my 5th chemo yesterday and everything went really smoothly! I only got poked once again and I've had no serious side effects as yet. I know the pains will start soon unfortunately. But for now I'm just taking it easy and relaxing at home cause I'm not exactly feeling 100%.

My stomach feels a little bloated, but I still have a healthy appetite! They've got me on some steroids to help prevent allergic reactions to the chemo. So the steroids give me some energy, and also make me hungry often enough! The doctor said I might put on some weight, so I'm trying to control my eating somewhat! I know packing on a few pounds may not be the worst thing though....I'll get some curves on this body!! hehe.

I have to go get my expensive injection today (to keep my immune system up) and then I will come right back home and probably watch tv/movies for the rest of the day :)

I'm so excited that I only have one more treatment left now!! Looking back, it seems like the time flew! In 3 weeks I get to ring that bell! Woohooooooooooo!!

My relationship and cancer

When I first found out I had cancer, one of my biggest worries was how is this going to affect my relationship with my boyfriend! The relationship was pretty new (just a few months in), but so far I knew we had a great thing going. Now this cancer had to jump into my life and make things difficult in an already difficult dating world!

I wondered how he was going to deal with me losing a breast. Is he still going to find me attractive when I lose my hair from the chemo and when I start looking sickly? What's going to happen when I can't go out and do the things we usually do because I'll be recovering from surgery, or too tired from the treatments? I didn't want to become a needy girlfriend...that's just not my style...but I knew that I would need him....need his support during this trying time in my life. All of this scared me!

I've been a lucky gal though! My man definitely stepped up to the challenge! He was the one at my side when I first found out my diagnosis, and he's been by my side every step of the way. I felt horrible because I didn't want this to be a burden on him! This was my problem and I didn't want it to ruin both our lives..... he didn't sign up for all of this! But he told me that we were in this together! 

His name is Wayne and his support has been incredible. I never would have thought that during one of the most difficult times in my life that I would find a happiness like I've never felt before. It seems like he was brought into my life at just the right time! This week he wrote the following facebook note which brought me to tears (I've gotten his permission to share it on here):

JACKPOT

Sometimes I look back at my 25 years (plus the years that I was a kid) and think, what the hell have I done to bring me to where I am now.  When it comes to happiness, right now, I am very happy.  It's all relative, but for me, I've worked hard at setting myself up for the happiness that I'm feeling now.  Sad to say, there was a bit of materialism to it.  Cars, clothes, real estate ... it sounds bad, but it wasn't even about status or anything like that.  I had and still have a passion for those things, so I felt they were good investments for my happiness.  Luckily, I'm somehow both an impulsive buyer AND saver.  The end result is that I had fun and I'm not in debt (if you don't include a mortgage :S).  What else makes me happy?  People! Family, friends, ... and hot girls (hot to me, remember everything is relative).  My family is great, and my last note proves that.  Friends are perfect because I've selectively chosen them.  I don't kick it with those who rank in the a-hole or biatch categories.  Girlfriend? hmm ... let's take a moment to break that down.  I'm happy with my relationship experiences and definitely enjoyed my single years.  During my last single stretch, I read books, chatted over hundreds of "coffees," and accepted that it was true - my happiness had to start with me being happy as an independent.  I thought it through and did what I had to do.  I found an unbelievable passion in salsa.  I danced on stage and played characters.  My longtime friends didn't know who I was.  They kept asking when I was going to be on SYTYCD.  My boy promised to slap me if I ever did contemporary or wore a see-through-tight-ass, V (down to the belly button)-Neck shirt.  So I stopped ... jus playin.  Anyways, where was I?  I had a sense of confidence that transcended off the stage and into my normal life.  I was happy.  By this time, I already knew what I wanted and when I would attain it.  I wanted the perfect girl, and I would get her whenever she came along.  Simple rule - don't settle.  I was told I was crazy.  Nobody is perfect.  Relationships always require a lot of effort to make them work.  It's normal.  It's also healthy to fight.  BULLSHIT!  Again, it's all relative, but I refused to go by that philosophy.  Long story short - there was this girl I danced with that was exotic, mestiza, sweet, quiet, chill, calm, elegant ... all things that I liked.  More importantly, she didn't annoy me.  She thought I was "thoughtful" so we hooked up.  Wow.  To all whom I said "BULLSHIT", I TOLD you so!  Honestly, our relationship took off fast (it started last May).  Why not though?  If you're feelin' it, go with it.  We were thrown a curve ball though.  Last September, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  WTF.  Doctors told us off the bat that the next 8 months or so would be incredibly taxing, in so many ways.  I can never explain exactly what my gf is going through.  I can only imagine.  I've been by her side the whole time though - and from what I can see, she doin' "aight."  I was given reading material which focused on husbands. Wow, talk about fast-forward.  It explained how, in order to keep the relationship strong, the man has to work extra hard, be extra patient, and super caring.  Fertility issues were brought up.  We were 3 months into a relationship!  Hmmm...wow again.  How is it that our bond is becoming stronger at a time during which married couples are advised to work harder against growing apart.  Props to my girl.  Positivity is key.  She IS younger than most cancer patients, and I'm sure that helps physically.  But my answer to all of this ... ?  It's the result of me finding perfection.  I am happily in a relationship that makes me feel like I'm not in one.  I'm not stressin.  I've never put so much non-effort into a relationship, hah.  I'm not whippable, so it's cool that I don't feel like I have to answer to anyone.  I feel free and committed at the same time.  I LOVE being with her, and I'm neutral (although leaning more towards dislike) when I'm not with her.  She can get to the muscles that RMT's can't reach, just by using her fingertips and the slightest of pressure.  If you don't get the sweetness of that, technically it's because it hits my nerves which somehow calm my inner muscles, namely the lower back ones hahaha.  Anyways so ... what's my point again?  Oh yeah.  Happiness.  That's where I'm at now.  My next goal is to establish an automated business so that I can let it run itself while I work minimum wage or volunteer doing something I love.  The 649 would be dope as well!  It's just too bad.  I think you can only hit the jackpot once in life and I just realized it already happened ..... naks!

HIP HOP FOR HOPE

As you know, I'm participating in the Weekend to End Women's Cancers which is a 60km walk taking place on September 10th and 11th. In order to participate, each person has to raise a minimum of $2,000....yeah its quite alot! So I need to do some fundraising! Hence the idea of "HIP HOP FOR HOPE".

Three of our team walkers are Hip Hop Dancers (including me), so we decided to bring our passion for dance and our Hip Hop dance skills to good use! As one of our fundraising initiatives we will be teaching Hip Hop dance at different schools throughout Toronto. In return, each student will be asked to donate a minimum of $2 to support the Princess Margaret Hospital. Not a lot to ask from the students, but overall it'll make such a big difference!

I'm so excited to be doing this because it helps such a great cause (a very personal cause) and it also promotes healthy active living for the students and allows them to have some fun! Its so fulfilling to me to be involved in something like this, and I'm very thankful to have such great friends supporting me with this venture!

[If you know of any Toronto schools (Elementary schools, High schools, Colleges or Universities) that might be interested in participating, contact me at kristal.wlc@gmail.com for more information.]