So even though the last few days have been ok, I would be lying if I said it hasn't been difficult. Everyone's been saying I've been so strong through this journey so far, but everyone has their weak moments....part of being human right?
I know I'm lucky that the chemo hasn't hit me as hard as alot of people, and I'm lucky I'm young so that I have the strength to handle it, but maaaaaaaaaaaan its frustrating! I've had a few mini breakdowns already.
The first one was on my Chemo day#1 when I started to feel really nauseous, and my body started to feel all weird inside. I didn't know what was going on in there, but I didn't like it..... not one bit! I just felt so helpless and all I could do was just lie there and take it! It was like a really bad hangover...unfortunately without the fun night out!
Another thing that broke me was just feeling so tired and not being able to do the things I normally do. To walk to the grocery was a big deal (the grocery is a 2 min walk from my place), and when I got there I just sat outside and waited for mummy to get what she needed. I went to the storage downstairs to get my christmas tree yesterday and almost fainted on the way back up. I was on the treadmill today for a grand total of 13 mins going at snail pace, and I still felt light headed afterwards! And that was ALOT of exercise compared to the last few days! I have to take a nap after everything....like I go to pee, and that's alot of work, so I take a nap.....ok ok I'm exaggerating, but I have been sleeping lots!!
I feel like life is going on around me, and I can't partake in it. I'm missing out on all these events, trapped in my tired body in my little apartment. I really hope its not going to be like this for long or else I'm gonna go crazy!!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The day after Chemo treatment #1
Hey everyone, just wanted to let you know that I'm doing OK!!!
My first treatment was yesterday. I went in, got the chemo through an IV, and everything went smoothly. The nurse was really nice, and I have a "hospital friend" named Helen who stayed with me throughout the time I was there (She is an older lady who volunteers at the hospital...very knowledgeable as she's been through chemo 4 times already!). I was there for a total of about 3 hours, and then cabbed it home with mummy after.
I didn't feel much at first, but became a bit sleepy, so ended up just laying in bed as I got home. And even though I had 3 different anti-nausea tables before the chemo, I still got pretty nauseous and dizzy after a little while! This part definitely wasn't fun! I was in and out of sleep, and kept tuning into every little change I felt in my body. My heart felt like it was pounding at one time, and my toes tingled and become numb a little bit. I didn't like the changes, cause I knew these drugs in my body were attacking everything and there was nothing I could do about it! I felt anxious thinking about having to go through this for 5 more treatments, and realized why alot of people mentioned that I just have to stick it out.....I was already thinking "How am I going to make it through all of this??"
But I was also told, take it a day at a time! So that's what I am doing. This morning I woke up feeling much better! Not normal......but not horrible. I went back to the hospital for another drug: an injection which will help keep up my white blood cell count (It cost $3,000 CDN for this one shot!! Thank god for insurance!!).
I'm so happy that it hasn't been too bad as yet for me.....and even though there's a chance it could get worse, I'm praying that yesterday was as bad as it gets.
Thanks for all the support!
My first treatment was yesterday. I went in, got the chemo through an IV, and everything went smoothly. The nurse was really nice, and I have a "hospital friend" named Helen who stayed with me throughout the time I was there (She is an older lady who volunteers at the hospital...very knowledgeable as she's been through chemo 4 times already!). I was there for a total of about 3 hours, and then cabbed it home with mummy after.
I didn't feel much at first, but became a bit sleepy, so ended up just laying in bed as I got home. And even though I had 3 different anti-nausea tables before the chemo, I still got pretty nauseous and dizzy after a little while! This part definitely wasn't fun! I was in and out of sleep, and kept tuning into every little change I felt in my body. My heart felt like it was pounding at one time, and my toes tingled and become numb a little bit. I didn't like the changes, cause I knew these drugs in my body were attacking everything and there was nothing I could do about it! I felt anxious thinking about having to go through this for 5 more treatments, and realized why alot of people mentioned that I just have to stick it out.....I was already thinking "How am I going to make it through all of this??"
But I was also told, take it a day at a time! So that's what I am doing. This morning I woke up feeling much better! Not normal......but not horrible. I went back to the hospital for another drug: an injection which will help keep up my white blood cell count (It cost $3,000 CDN for this one shot!! Thank god for insurance!!).
I'm so happy that it hasn't been too bad as yet for me.....and even though there's a chance it could get worse, I'm praying that yesterday was as bad as it gets.
Thanks for all the support!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The morning before Chemo
So today is going to be my first Chemo treatment! I am a little nervous.........ok maybe TERRIFIED is a better word!!
I think what worries me most is that I just don't know how my body will react to this thing. Everyone I've talked to has had different experiences. Some say their first chemo was the worst, where others say the last one was the worst. Some told me that they felt sick right away, whereas others don't feel it until a few days later. Some people call it HELL (oh that sounds wonderful!!), and some say their experience was difficult, but not too bad. So I just don't know what to expect!
I do have a million and one tablets to take this morning before chemo to help prevent the nausea, so I hope these pills really do their job well!! Will let you know how this thing goes....fingers crossed that my experience will be fun and a walk in the park (haha, ok probably not going to be fun....but I'll settle for "tolerable").
I think what worries me most is that I just don't know how my body will react to this thing. Everyone I've talked to has had different experiences. Some say their first chemo was the worst, where others say the last one was the worst. Some told me that they felt sick right away, whereas others don't feel it until a few days later. Some people call it HELL (oh that sounds wonderful!!), and some say their experience was difficult, but not too bad. So I just don't know what to expect!
I do have a million and one tablets to take this morning before chemo to help prevent the nausea, so I hope these pills really do their job well!! Will let you know how this thing goes....fingers crossed that my experience will be fun and a walk in the park (haha, ok probably not going to be fun....but I'll settle for "tolerable").
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Why I Blog
I was originally thinking of a way to keep everyone updated without driving myself crazy having to repeat the same things over and over again!! I really appreciate everyone calling and messaging me to find out how I'm doing....but I'm so sorry, I was honestly getting a bit tiring talking about it all the time. So I thought about recording the updates and when someone calls I could just play it for everyone...but I figured that might upset some people :P Then someone suggested sending out mass emails to everyone as this is what she found helpful while going through her treatments. That was a great idea!! But then........ I thought of blogging which could be a little more colourful and fun!! :) Another benefit of doing a blog is that it could possibly reach more people. Although I'm normally a very private person, there are a few reasons why I didn't mind others reading about my experiences: 1) I thought if other women/men were also battling cancer came across my blog they would hopefully find some comfort and strength through my experience. Especially for younger people, where it is not as common. 2) I would also like other young people to read this and realize that they aren't invincible to this disease, like I thought I was!! It is occurring much more these days in younger persons than before. I'm lucky because I detected mine early, so I hope that others close to my age will realize the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle and of doing regular check-ups (self-examination goes a long way...and its FREEE!!). 3) A bonus for me was that if I could inspire someone, then that would be just incredible. So far I've gotten so many positive responses to the blog, and a few people telling me that they have been inspired already! I'm quite pleasantly surprised, and it feels amazing to get such wonderful feedback. So thank you to everyone for their comments....it means so much to me!! :)
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Change of Date
My chemo start date has been pushed back a week to Nov 17th instead. I went to the doctor again this week (lots of appointments these days), and they want to do some more tests first. They noticed something in my chest scan which they just have to check out first.
I'm glad I have a little more time actually, because I feel like there's still stuff I want to do to prepare like attend more info sessions, fix up my diet, read through all the material I have collected over the last week (there's soooo much info I'm a bit overwhelmed!).
One of the sessions I went to this week was called "Look Good Feel Better". It was held at the hospital and I'm so glad I went! They showed you how to cleanse and moisturize your face, put on your makeup, and take care of your wig so that you could still look good during your treatments! The best part was we got a whole box of free giveaways!!!! Which woman doesn't like to get free makeup :D And it was good stuff too, like Elizabeth Arden, Clinique, Revlon, Mac etc....Toner, Foundation, blush, eye shadow, creams and much more. Christmas came early!!! I would recommend this to anyone who's going to go through chemo:)
I'm glad I have a little more time actually, because I feel like there's still stuff I want to do to prepare like attend more info sessions, fix up my diet, read through all the material I have collected over the last week (there's soooo much info I'm a bit overwhelmed!).
One of the sessions I went to this week was called "Look Good Feel Better". It was held at the hospital and I'm so glad I went! They showed you how to cleanse and moisturize your face, put on your makeup, and take care of your wig so that you could still look good during your treatments! The best part was we got a whole box of free giveaways!!!! Which woman doesn't like to get free makeup :D And it was good stuff too, like Elizabeth Arden, Clinique, Revlon, Mac etc....Toner, Foundation, blush, eye shadow, creams and much more. Christmas came early!!! I would recommend this to anyone who's going to go through chemo:)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Inspirational Women!
I have met some really amazing women recently and I just wanted to tell you about them!
This weekend I went to a conference for Young Women with Breast Cancer (young being under 45). "Lucky" for me, October is breast cancer month, so there were so many things going on, this being one of them. It was all weekend, but I only went on Saturday, and I'm so glad that I went. Pretty much the conference had a number of different seminars you could attend, and then a few booths around promoting different things like Breast Cancer resources, implants, wigs etc.
I went to the following seminars which were extremely interesting:
1) Breast Reconstruction: Knowing your options --> it'll be nice to get a new boob after this :)
2) Intimacy & Sexuality for Women in Relationships: Rekindling the Flame --> I learnt here that I will likely have menopausal symptoms at 28! (maybe I shouldn't have teased mummy so much about her hot flashes)
3) A discussion on Self Advocacy
4) Healthy Eating for Healthy Living --> I really want to get healthy now, but it seems like its gonna be alot of work!
Anywayz, I wanted to talk about the women there. It wasn't like there were all these bald women walking around looking sickly or noticably one-breasted or anything like that. They were all normal looking, and many of them actually looking quite good! I got to meet a few and hear their different experiences and it was just so refreshing to see how positive so many of them were. Everyone I met had already gone through their treatment, and gave me reassurance that I will be fine! "It'll be hard, but you'll be ok" they said.
I also met another woman this weekend through a friend of mine who sat with me for hours talking about her experience, and I think I was a changed person after speaking with her! Not only did she have breast cancer, but she had lost her husband just 3 years earlier while she was pregnant with her second child. After getting her diagnosis she had surgery and then chemotherapy for a year, and radiation during that time which burnt her skin badly. If that's not enough, she hasn't seen her 3 yr old daughter in over a year! But besides all of this she was so upbeat and had the most positive outlook on life.....it was so AMAZING!!!
More than one of these women told me that breast cancer changed their lives in a positive way. It gave them the chance to reflect on their lives, and realize that changes needed to be made, and that they needed to take care of themselves more (as so many women are always taking care of everyone else first, and ignoring themselves). Some even said that they were happy that they got breast cancer!! I would have never expected to hear that, but I heard it more than once this past weekend.
I guess that after going through everything these women went through, it has taught them to live for the present and to appreciate the small things in life. Lessons that alot of people have a hard time learning. And I learnt that I must be one of the lucky ones! This breast cancer is going to change my life for the better :)
This weekend I went to a conference for Young Women with Breast Cancer (young being under 45). "Lucky" for me, October is breast cancer month, so there were so many things going on, this being one of them. It was all weekend, but I only went on Saturday, and I'm so glad that I went. Pretty much the conference had a number of different seminars you could attend, and then a few booths around promoting different things like Breast Cancer resources, implants, wigs etc.
I went to the following seminars which were extremely interesting:
1) Breast Reconstruction: Knowing your options --> it'll be nice to get a new boob after this :)
2) Intimacy & Sexuality for Women in Relationships: Rekindling the Flame --> I learnt here that I will likely have menopausal symptoms at 28! (maybe I shouldn't have teased mummy so much about her hot flashes)
3) A discussion on Self Advocacy
4) Healthy Eating for Healthy Living --> I really want to get healthy now, but it seems like its gonna be alot of work!
Anywayz, I wanted to talk about the women there. It wasn't like there were all these bald women walking around looking sickly or noticably one-breasted or anything like that. They were all normal looking, and many of them actually looking quite good! I got to meet a few and hear their different experiences and it was just so refreshing to see how positive so many of them were. Everyone I met had already gone through their treatment, and gave me reassurance that I will be fine! "It'll be hard, but you'll be ok" they said.
I also met another woman this weekend through a friend of mine who sat with me for hours talking about her experience, and I think I was a changed person after speaking with her! Not only did she have breast cancer, but she had lost her husband just 3 years earlier while she was pregnant with her second child. After getting her diagnosis she had surgery and then chemotherapy for a year, and radiation during that time which burnt her skin badly. If that's not enough, she hasn't seen her 3 yr old daughter in over a year! But besides all of this she was so upbeat and had the most positive outlook on life.....it was so AMAZING!!!
More than one of these women told me that breast cancer changed their lives in a positive way. It gave them the chance to reflect on their lives, and realize that changes needed to be made, and that they needed to take care of themselves more (as so many women are always taking care of everyone else first, and ignoring themselves). Some even said that they were happy that they got breast cancer!! I would have never expected to hear that, but I heard it more than once this past weekend.
I guess that after going through everything these women went through, it has taught them to live for the present and to appreciate the small things in life. Lessons that alot of people have a hard time learning. And I learnt that I must be one of the lucky ones! This breast cancer is going to change my life for the better :)
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
How my life has changed so far
1) No dancing - I've always enjoyed dancing and most recently I was with a Latin dance group which did various performances all over. Well I definitely can't do this right now since my wound has to heal, and I have to regain full mobility in my arm.
2) No work - Some women apparently go back to work soon after surgery, and might work during chemo as well. However with all the appointments that I have these days, and since my job can be quite stressful at times or long hours, my doctor has recommended that I take the time off from work to focus on myself and to ensure that I'm as relaxed and stress free as possible. I'm not gonna fight with the doctor!!
3) No intense activity - I almost feel normal, like before I had the surgery, but then I walk around all day or do some kind of excess activity, and I don't feel so good after :( So as much as I would like to tell myself that I'm fine and can do what I normally used to do, I guess I should keep myself quiet for now. I avoid places that might be too crowded/busy because I don't want anyone to accidentally bump into me. I prefer quiet things like movies or dinners or pumpkin carving!! Yeah I'm still able to enjoy some halloween stuff :)
4) No alcohol - The doctor recommended I take good care of myself, and maybe staying away from alcohol would be a good idea. Also, with the chemo, they say to keep off alcohol as it could affect the treatment. Therefore, I have decided to just totally give up alcohol. It's really not that hard :P
5) Shopping List - I never thought my shopping list would consist of a fake boob, fake eyelashes and wigs (not to be worn in a dance performance)!
6) Contact with friends and family - The best thing is definitely getting to be in contact with so many friends and family! Everyone tends to get caught up in their routines, and I'm definitely terrible at keeping in contact with people. But these days, its great getting so many calls and messages and emails from so many people. It really helps to know that so many people are concerned and thinking about me and praying for me. So thank you!!!
2) No work - Some women apparently go back to work soon after surgery, and might work during chemo as well. However with all the appointments that I have these days, and since my job can be quite stressful at times or long hours, my doctor has recommended that I take the time off from work to focus on myself and to ensure that I'm as relaxed and stress free as possible. I'm not gonna fight with the doctor!!
3) No intense activity - I almost feel normal, like before I had the surgery, but then I walk around all day or do some kind of excess activity, and I don't feel so good after :( So as much as I would like to tell myself that I'm fine and can do what I normally used to do, I guess I should keep myself quiet for now. I avoid places that might be too crowded/busy because I don't want anyone to accidentally bump into me. I prefer quiet things like movies or dinners or pumpkin carving!! Yeah I'm still able to enjoy some halloween stuff :)
4) No alcohol - The doctor recommended I take good care of myself, and maybe staying away from alcohol would be a good idea. Also, with the chemo, they say to keep off alcohol as it could affect the treatment. Therefore, I have decided to just totally give up alcohol. It's really not that hard :P
5) Shopping List - I never thought my shopping list would consist of a fake boob, fake eyelashes and wigs (not to be worn in a dance performance)!
6) Contact with friends and family - The best thing is definitely getting to be in contact with so many friends and family! Everyone tends to get caught up in their routines, and I'm definitely terrible at keeping in contact with people. But these days, its great getting so many calls and messages and emails from so many people. It really helps to know that so many people are concerned and thinking about me and praying for me. So thank you!!!
The next treatment plans
Last week I met with my medical oncologist (the guy who deals with the chemotherapy / radiation side of things). He went over my pathology with me from the surgery (the results after testing the tissue that was removed during surgery).
[side note: I don't know how many people know these terms, because I surely didn't before all of this, so just thought I'd explain everything as simply as possible for all to understand]
The results:
- I have stage 1 cancer (yay!!!)
- The tumour was 1.4cm (I can't believe such a small thing can disrupt my life so much!)
- It seems like they got everything out and nothing has spread
So a pretty good pathology!!
But.....because of my young age, they want to be aggressive. I have alot of years left to live! This cancer can re-occur in the future and there could be minute cancer cells that have spread through my body which cannot be detected right now. Also, luckily breast cancer is quite treatable, but if the cancer were to come back in another part of my body, it could be more difficult to treat. So considering all of this, chemotherapy was recommended, followed by some hormonal drugs for a couple years after. I agreed that this is what I want (Yes, I have a choice), because I want to get rid of this cancer for good and hope that it never comes back!!
The date is set for my first treatment on November 10. Pretty soon! Yes I feel nervous! But the sooner I start the sooner I finish! I will be getting 6 treatments, 3 weeks between each. Well with the bitter cold winter quite near, I guess its a good time to be cuddled indoors under my blankie! Although, I don't plan to be lying in bed all the time.....you'll be seeing me around!! Excited to show off my new wigs!! :)
[side note: I don't know how many people know these terms, because I surely didn't before all of this, so just thought I'd explain everything as simply as possible for all to understand]
The results:
- I have stage 1 cancer (yay!!!)
- The tumour was 1.4cm (I can't believe such a small thing can disrupt my life so much!)
- It seems like they got everything out and nothing has spread
So a pretty good pathology!!
But.....because of my young age, they want to be aggressive. I have alot of years left to live! This cancer can re-occur in the future and there could be minute cancer cells that have spread through my body which cannot be detected right now. Also, luckily breast cancer is quite treatable, but if the cancer were to come back in another part of my body, it could be more difficult to treat. So considering all of this, chemotherapy was recommended, followed by some hormonal drugs for a couple years after. I agreed that this is what I want (Yes, I have a choice), because I want to get rid of this cancer for good and hope that it never comes back!!
The date is set for my first treatment on November 10. Pretty soon! Yes I feel nervous! But the sooner I start the sooner I finish! I will be getting 6 treatments, 3 weeks between each. Well with the bitter cold winter quite near, I guess its a good time to be cuddled indoors under my blankie! Although, I don't plan to be lying in bed all the time.....you'll be seeing me around!! Excited to show off my new wigs!! :)
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