So even though the last few days have been ok, I would be lying if I said it hasn't been difficult. Everyone's been saying I've been so strong through this journey so far, but everyone has their weak moments....part of being human right?
I know I'm lucky that the chemo hasn't hit me as hard as alot of people, and I'm lucky I'm young so that I have the strength to handle it, but maaaaaaaaaaaan its frustrating! I've had a few mini breakdowns already.
The first one was on my Chemo day#1 when I started to feel really nauseous, and my body started to feel all weird inside. I didn't know what was going on in there, but I didn't like it..... not one bit! I just felt so helpless and all I could do was just lie there and take it! It was like a really bad hangover...unfortunately without the fun night out!
Another thing that broke me was just feeling so tired and not being able to do the things I normally do. To walk to the grocery was a big deal (the grocery is a 2 min walk from my place), and when I got there I just sat outside and waited for mummy to get what she needed. I went to the storage downstairs to get my christmas tree yesterday and almost fainted on the way back up. I was on the treadmill today for a grand total of 13 mins going at snail pace, and I still felt light headed afterwards! And that was ALOT of exercise compared to the last few days! I have to take a nap after everything....like I go to pee, and that's alot of work, so I take a nap.....ok ok I'm exaggerating, but I have been sleeping lots!!
I feel like life is going on around me, and I can't partake in it. I'm missing out on all these events, trapped in my tired body in my little apartment. I really hope its not going to be like this for long or else I'm gonna go crazy!!
Hang in there Kristal and remember that in the grand scheme of things it will be not be for a long time that you will be feeling this way. Once all these treatments are finished and you get a clean bill of health, everything will still be there waiting for you :)
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Mel
Hello Kristal, I remembered you were starting your chemo on the 17th. I am so sorry that you are feeling so unwell. I know it probably seems cliche to say "it will soon be over" because 5 treatments will seem like an eternity to you. I can imagine how frustrating it feels to always feel tired and not have energy to do the simplest of tasks. But you know what Kristal, I really do believe that people who undergo these temporary setbacks in Life are that much stronger, mentally, physically and emotionally at the end of their ordeal.
ReplyDeleteLife is not only about the Journey, but the ultimate Destination.